X is for extreme morning madness

This morning I thought I’d get back on the fitness wagon and go for a run. I haven’t run in weeks. It went kinda meh, as expected. Then something scary happened. I got home from my run and saw this on my front porch.

OMG A SNAKE ON MY PORCH!

OMG A SNAKE ON MY PORCH!

After much debate about whether it was dead or alive, my mother suggested the following solution. Squirt it with water. If it moves, it’s alive, if it doesn’t, it’s dead. So I did. It didn’t move, except for where the water moved it. I cut its head off with a shovel, bagged it up, and threw it in the garbage. I’m not sure what kind of snake it was, but holy hell it didn’t need to be on my porch. I’m pretty sure it picked a fight with a bird it couldn’t win, too, as there was a bird carcass sticking out of its stomach.  So that’s  my extreme morning. Hopefully tomorrow “X” can just be for exercise, as planned.